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March 12, 2008
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Poetry Stamp by bandit4edu Poetry Stamp by bandit4edu
If you don't already know...here's the wikipedia entry [link]

Journal Stamp...grab it and run!
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:iconsnazzie-designz:
snazzie-designz Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013   General Artist
Cool stamp! Just added it to my page :D Thanks :D
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:iconmicaferesz:
MicaFeresz Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2012
it sounds awesome sometimes lol
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:icondiversdream:
diversdream Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2011
Sorry couldn't resist -

Stephen
Aussie

Scene 1. Int. Vogon Spaceship Bridge

VOGON CAPTAIN:
So Earthlings I present you with a simple choice.
Think carefully for you hold your very lives in your hands.
Now choose: either die in the vacuum of space, or…

[Dramatic music]

VOGON CAPTAIN:
…tell me how good you thought my poem was.

FORD:
I liked it…

VOGON CAPTAIN:
Good…

ARTHUR:
Oh yes, I thought that some of the metaphysical imagery was particularly effective.

VOGON CAPTAIN:
Yes?

ARTHUR:
Oh…. and um, interesting rhythmic devices, too, which seemed to counterpoint the, er…

FORD:
Counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the, um…

ARTHUR:
Humanity of the er -

FORD:
Vogonity.

ARTHUR:
What?

FORD:
Vogonity.

ARTHUR:
Oh.
Oh!
Vogonity.
Sorry.
Of the poet’s compassionate soul which contrived through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate this, transcend that and come to terms with the fundamental dichotomies of the other.
And one is left with a profound and vivid insight into… err…

FORD:
Into whatever it was …

FORD:
…that the poem was about…

ARTHUR:
That the poem was about!

FORD:
Well done Arthur, that was very good.

VOGON CAPTAIN:
So what you’re saying is that I write poetry because underneath my mean, callous, heartless exterior, I really just want to be loved.

Is that right?

FORD:
Er, well... I mean yes, yes, don’t we all, deep down…
you know..?

VOGON CAPTAIN:
No, well, you’re completely wrong.
I just write poetry to throw my mean, callous, heartless exterior into sharp relief.
I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway!
Guard!
Take the prisoners to number three airlock and throw them out.

VOGON GUARD:
Okay Captain.

FORD:
You can’t throw us off into deep space we’re trying to write a book!

VOGON GUARD:
Resistance is useless!

ARTHUR:
I don’t want to die now, I’ve still got a headache.
I don’t want to go to heaven with a headache, I’ll be all cross and wouldn’t enjoy it.

VOGON GUARD:
Come on.

FORD:
You can’t do this!

VOGON CAPTAIN:
Why not you puny creature?

FORD:
Why not?
Why not?!
Does there have to be a reason for everything?
Why don’t you just let us go on a mad impulse?
Go on, live a little, surprise yourself.

[The door opens, and the prisoners are dragged through.
The door closes.]

VOGON CAPTAIN:
“…counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor…” Hm-hm.
Death’s too good for them.

Scene 2. Int. Vogon Spaceship Corridor

ARTHUR:
No!…
Uggh…
Let go of me you brute!

FORD:
Don’t you worry, I’ll think of something.

VOGON GUARD:
Resistance is useless!

ARTHUR:
I woke up this morning and thought…
I’d have a …

FORD:
Okay.

ARTHUR:
…nice, relaxed day…

FORD:
Alright.

ARTHUR:
… do a bit of reading… brush the dog…

FORD:
I know, I know.

ARTHUR:
It’s just now…
four in the afternoon and I’m already being…
thrown out…

FORD:
…yes…

ARTHUR:
…of an…
alien spaceship…

FORD:
I know

ARTHUR:
… five light years…

FORD:
Yes, yes Arthur.

ARTHUR:
…from the smoking remains of the Earth!

FORD:
Alright, just stop panicking!

ARTHUR:
Who said anything about panicking?!?
This is still just a culture shock.

FORD:
Arthur!
You’re getting hysterical.
Shut up!

VOGON GUARD:
Resistance is useless!

FORD:
You can shut up as well!

VOGON GUARD:
Resistance is useless!

FORD:
Oh, give it a rest!
Do you really enjoy this sort of thing?

VOGON GUARD:
Resistance is……
what d’ ya mean?

FORD:
I mean does it give you a full satisfying life?
Stomping around, shouting, throwing people out of spaceships?

VOGON GUARD:
The hours are good.

FORD:
They’d have to be.

VOGON GUARD:
But now that you’ve come to mention it, I suppose much of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.
Er, er.
Except some of the shouting I quite like.
Resistance is use-

FORD:
Yeah, sure, yes...
You’re good at that I can tell…
but if it’s mostly lousy, then why do you do it?
What is it?
The girls?
The leather?
The machismo?

VOGON GUARD:
I-I-I- I dunno…
I-I-I...
I think I, just sort of, do it really.
He-uggh.

FORD:
There Arthur, you think you’ve got problems.

ARTHUR:
Yes, this guy’s still half throttling me!

FORD:
Yeah!, but try an’ understand his problem.

VOGON GUARD:
Right, so, what’s the alternative?

FORD:
Well, stop doing it, of course.

VOGON GUARD:
Hmmm….
Hmm….
Er...
well...
doesn’t sound that great to me.

FORD:
Well, wait a minute, that’s just the start!
There’s more to it than that, you see?

VOGON GUARD:
Er… no.
I, I think that if it’s all the same to you, I better just get you both shoved into this airlock and then go and get on with some other bits of shoutin’ I’ve got to do.

FORD:
I mean c’mon, I mean now look…
Uhhhahhhhhhh.

[They struggle]

VOGON GUARD:
Thanks for takin’ an interest.
Bye now.

ARTHUR:
Stop!
Don’t do it!

FORD:
No, listen, listen!
There’s a, there’s a whole world you don’t know anything about.
I mean here…
how about this?
['Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony'] Da da da dum!
I mean, doesn’t that stir anything in you?

[Airlock door unlocks and opens]

VOGON GUARD:
Bye.

[Airlock door noise as FORD and ARTHUR are pushed inside]

VOGON GUARD:
I’ll mention what you said to my aunt.

[Airlock door closes and locks]

FORD:
Potentially bright lad, I thought.

ARTHUR:
We’re trapped now, aren’t we?

FORD:
Er… Yes, we’re trapped.

ARTHUR:
Well didn’t you think of anything?

FORD:
Oh Yes.

ARTHUR:
Yes?

FORD:
But, unfortunately, it rather involved being on the other side of the airtight hatchway they’ve just sealed behind us.

ARTHUR:
So, what happens next?

FORD:
The hatchway in front of us will open automatically in a moment and we’ll shoot out into deep space and asphyxiate in about…
thirty seconds.

ARTHUR:
So this is it?!?
We’re going to die!

FORD:
Yes….
except..
No!
Wait a minute!
What’s this switch?

ARTHUR:
What?!
Where?

FORD:
No, I was only foolin’.
We are going to die after all.

ARTHUR:
You know, it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock, with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young!

FORD:
Why, what did she tell you?

ARTHUR:
I don’t know I didn’t listen!

FORD:
Huh, Terr-rific!

[Airlock door opens and the air hisses out into the vacuum of space]

ARTHUR:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

FORD:
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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:iconfaerietaledreams:
faerietaledreams Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmm, tjis is going on my profile.
Reply
:iconbandit4edu:
bandit4edu Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
people will talk...
Reply
:iconrockyquintez:
RockyQuintez Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2009
YESSS~!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconbandit4edu:
bandit4edu Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
a connoisseur, I take it?
Reply
:iconrockyquintez:
RockyQuintez Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2009
No, I just enjoy the effects it has on most living beings :evillaugh:
Reply
:iconpickled-poppy:
Pickled-Poppy Featured By Owner May 11, 2009  Student Writer
This is offical the most awesome thing ever! I really love it so much!
Reply
:iconbandit4edu:
bandit4edu Featured By Owner May 11, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thanks! glad you like it!
Reply
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